Steve Lightspeed's Blog

I’m sick and tired of dealing with me. I’m not a great worker, I come in late and I leave early. I take two hour lunches. I party on weeknights, and show up to work hung over. Every time I call in sick, I know I’m lying. I even caught myself banging my secretary! I obviously don’t feel like I have to answer to me.

I can’t take myself anymore! I need myself to understand what I need from an employee. Lately, I’ve developed a shitty attitude. I act like a prima donna. I’m always fucking off at work too. And I can’t be trusted around money; I spend company money like its mine!

I’m not going to put up with me anymore. To put it bluntly, I’m fired.
I think firing myself would really teach me a valuable lesson! I’ll be begging myself for my job back within a month, MARK MY WORDS!

I’m sick and tired of dealing with me. I treat myself like shit. I expect me to make all the decisions with little or no supervision, and then I yell at myself when I fuck things up.

I can’t take myself anymore! This hateful work environment between me and myself has gone on too long. I want to work for a me that appreciates me. I don’t think I even care about myself. I’m just an employee number as far as I’m concerned. I don’t even grunt a hello to myself in the morning when I see me. I just pile more work on myself instead. Lately, the demands I’ve been making of myself seem excessive.

I’ll probably offer myself a nice bonus to get me to stay, but I’ll turn it down. I’m worth much more to my competition, and I know it. Fuck me and my company, I screwed myself over!

I wonder if I can collect unemployment while I look for a new job?

Dynamite Johnson

Throughout my whole life, I’ve always heard the saying “Nice guys finish last.” And I’ve noticed that the hottest women seem attracted to the biggest douchebags. So I had to find a way to change my thinking, essentially to act the opposite of the way I would normally act. I’ve used this opposite-of-myself persona so many times, I’ve even given him a name. His name is Dynamite Johnson. Let me share some examples of how Dynamite Johnson handles life’s problems.

“Solution to a Terrible Problem”

I picked her up easily at the bar. We were both drunk and looking to have a good time. But after a fun little sex romp, I passed out in her bed — and accidently shit myself and all over her bed.

When I woke up I realized what I’d done, I’ve never been so embarrassed! How would I ever look her in the eye again? What kind of pig would she think I am? And she’ll tell everyone I know!

Then I thought to myself, “What would Dynamite Johnson do?” Suddenly I realized the solution to this terrible problem. There was only one thing I could do now, and I just had to be man enough to do it and get it over with.

So I pushed the piles of shit around the sleeping girl’s ass to make it look like she did it herself, then left her a note calling her a dirty whore. Problem solved!

“Treat Me Like a Whore”

During the heat of passion, my girlfriend decided to up the kinkiness by asking for something she’d never asked for before. ”I want you to treat me like a whore.”

Well, I loved her, and while this was an unusual request, I wanted her to know she could count on me to fulfill her wildest fantasies. But I don’t know much about whores except what I’ve seen on TV. Then I thought to myself, “What would Dynamite Johnson do?”

So I threw her out the door wearing nothing but a bra, leather miniskirt, and spiked heels, and told her not to come back until she had $500.

Then, when she came back with the money, I took it all, then beat her for being a *stupid* whore.”

I just hope I did it right!

My wife tries so hard to dirty talk during sex, but it just comes out in a blur of random dirty words, like “Ohh, Yeah! Cock! Fuck! Cum! Lick! Pussy! Yeah Yeah Yeah!”

I call it “Pornstar Tourettes.”

Then she starts growling and making crazy faces, “GRRRR, ARRRRR, AHHHHHH!!!”

I told her, “Honey, put my cock back in your mouth, so I can understand you!”

Please Help.

I’ve never asked for help before. I always thought I could make it on my own. But I’m going to swallow my pride and ask my friends for help, just this once. But first, you need to understand why.

Lightspeed has grown beyond my control. I used to be able to handle the operations, photography, updates, and marketing all by myself. But as it grew, we employed 10 full time people.

My lifestyle also began to change. I bought a huge mansion and hired a cook, a maid, and a groundskeeper. I hired a nanny for my children and sent them to the finest schools. I bought an Aston Martin, a Ferrari, and a Lamborghini. I started traveling regularly to places I had always wanted to visit like Amsterdam, Jamaica, Las Vegas, Curacao, Miami, and Tokyo. I always stayed at the nicest resorts and ate at the finest restaurants. I started dating supermodels. I began to pamper myself in every possible way. Nothing seemed out of reach to me.

But then I met even richer people, who had jets and yachts and traveled with an entourage. I realized that to reach that level, I was going to need help. That’s where you come in. If you could just see fit to send more business my way, I would be able to live the lifestyle I’ve always truly wanted.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, “Damn, this guy is really hurting. How can I help?” Well, you can send more traffic to one of our Lightspeedcash sites, buy ads on Solo Girl Board, or you can simply send cash to my paypal account. You see, every little bit will help.

Thanks for your concern, it is very much appreciated.